Five Ways to Fail
by ZeroIXResoleon
Summary: "To write Tao, all you have to do is get rid of your brain cells, be loud, love food, and then give people weird nicknames. Simple! One Shot!" -VesperianElemental


Hello, fish and chips! I'm SevilResoleon here and welcome to another Blazblue Fanfiction.

Taokaka is FINALLY going to get a chance in the spotlight in my Fanfictions! It was long overdue, no?

Well, without further ado, enjoy the Fanfiction and-TAO, STOP LICKIING MY FACE!

* * *

**Taokaka Short Story: Five Ways To Fail **

In Bang's dojo in Ronin Gai, Makoto Nanaya and Bang Shishigami were practicing their punching techniques. However, it would seem as though they were...enjoying it.

Back and forth, Makoto and Bang were releasing their laughter of energy on the bag.

With curiosity, Litchi Faye Ling entered the room, apparently looking for someone. "Bang? Makoto?"

Makoto stopped punching the bag. "Miss Litchi! This new punching bag is the shit!" Makoto goes to the punching bag and punched it again. "Seriously...how it feels!"

Bang puts up his index finger to emphasize the next statement. "The way the weight shifts around inside is really realistic and excellent!" Bang punched the bag once more.

Litchi looked a bit worried. "Um, you two..."

Makoto laughs heartedly as she punched it yet again. "It's completely lifelike! It's almost as if you can hear it grunting in pain with each strike!" Makoto punched it yet again.

Bang takes a deep breath. "Oh, how I wish Tao was here...she would love this more than a giant sea bass!"

Litchi clears her throat so that they had her attention. "Excuse me! First of all, I haven't seen Tao since the Hide and Seek game she insisted on playing an hour ago. Second of all, I thought that punching bag was always there, Mister Bang."

It took a second to happen but Makoto's and Bang's eyes popped. Slowly, Makoto unzips the punching bag and out came an extremely dizzy Tao, walking around like a drunk.

Tao is giggling deliriously as she walks around in different directions. "Spiny! Spiny! Spiny! Do it again! Do it again, neow! Put Tao back in the spinning bag!"

Makoto, Bang, and Litchi fell backwards on the floor out of disbelief.

* * *

Ragna is yelling from inside a steel cage with his sword outside. Rachel, Nu, and Tao were looking at him squirm through a small window. The cage apparently belonged to Sector Seven.

Rachel yawns. "Oh my...the dog is afraid it seems..."

Nu giggles. "I wish it were me in there with Ragna!"

Tao punched the air twice. "Good guy looks like he could give me and Tao some food!"

Rachel stared at Ragna's imprisoned face for a few seconds before turning to Nu. "Puppet...do you mind setting the dog free?"

Nu giggled. "Where's the fun in that? He is ALL Nu's!"

Tao runs up to the face of Ragna and stuck out her tongue. "What's that, Good Guy? You're going to have to speak up! Tao can't hear you, meow!"

From the inside, Ragna is growling while clenching his fists. Oh, did he want to get a piece of the Kaka.

From the outside, Tao saw that Ragna kicked the door of the cage. She rubs her head a few times. "Tao heard the kick but not Good Guy."

Tao looks to her left to see Nu in Murakumo form. "Nu is trying to work here."

With one slash from all eight of her blades, Nu slashes the door slightly open.

Taokaka goes in front of it. "Hey, Good Guy! Give me foo-"

Tao was interrupted by an infuriated Ragna bursting out of the door and throwing himself on top of the Kaka, mercilessly giving her a beating.

Rachel shook her head a few times while observing the beating that the Kaka was taking. "What a hothead..."

Nu and Rachel looked on as the Kaka was being beaten. "Ow! Owowowowowowowowow! Ow! Ow!"

Ragna growled as he continued to throw punches at the Kaka. "SHOW YOUR GODDAMN FACE ALREADY!"

* * *

In some grasslands in the outskirts of Kagutsuchi, Ragna, Platinum, and Tao were standing side by side, waiting for Jubei's commands for training. However, one of them was out of place, which is why Jubei is leering at them.

Ragna whispered loud enough for Platinum. "Master Jubei has that look on his face."

Luna giggled at the revelation. "Luna thinks someone's going to get their ass kicked...and for once it's not you, Rags." Luna said agreeably.

Jubei cleared throat. "Taokaka..."

Tao stopped fiddling around with her claws and looked at Jubei. "Yes, cat person?"

Jubei paused before asking his question. "Do you think I am funny?"

Tao tilted her head to one side. "Um...yeah...no...uh...sometimes..."

Luna started to giggled while Ragna palmed his face.

Taokaka continued to give her answer. "There was that time when you told that joke about the fish in the dam. Tao didn't get it at the time but it was funny and—"

Platinum gave an elbow to Tao to signal her to stop talking.

Tao gulped. "Cat person's not funny at all..."

Jubei sighed heavily. It was a trick question; lose or lose.

* * *

Ragna and Taokaka had their hands full with Iron Tager.

Iron Tager stepped forward once. "You have nowhere to run!"

Tao pointed contemptuously at Tager. "Big guy is the one who has nowhere to run! Big guy is just a robot with bad vision!"

Ragna and Tager looked at Tager with a confused look. Bad vision? Sure, Tager's eyes looked like glasses but...something told them that they're really weren't glasses.

Tager took the liberty to explain himself. "I don't have bad vision. These are just...you know what? I don't have to explain myself to you! Let's do this!"

Everyone went into their fighter stance. Tao pumps her two fists at Iron Tager. "It's garbage day, Tin Man! It's time for Good Guy and Tao to kick your tin can's can all the way down to the curb!"

Ragna couldn't help but laugh out loud to this. He couldn't believe what he just heard out of Tao. "What the hell, Tao? That was so bad! Where are you coming up with this shit?"

Tao looked confusingly at Ragna. It was...bad? Okay, how about this? Tao jumps around while making some mock punches. "How about this? It's time to take your hunk of junk downtown to Chinatown to dump you in the dumpster!"

Ragna was clueless...where was Tao coming up with these things? All of a sudden...it doesn't feel like a fight anymore... "Tao...just shut up and fight..."

* * *

Makoto turned with shining eyes. "Hey girlfriends, are you thinking what I think we're thinking?"

"I bet Noel's thinking what I think you're thinking." Tsubaki responded.

"I'm pretty sure Tao is thinking what I think we're all thinking." Noel said with a giggle.

Tao rubs her head a few times. Thinking? What was that? "If Tao is thinking that we're all thinking the same thing around here, Tao is thinking that it's a great idea and if we're all thinking what Lacking Lady thinks Tao is thinking then Tao is thinking that we shouldn't be wasting brainpower thinking what the other could be thinking because Tao is thinking that we shouldn't be wasting time trying to think what the other is thinking! What do you think?" Tao asked a second later.

The three girls had dizzy eyes.

"How many times did we say 'think' there?" Noel asked.

"I don't even know how we got into this..." Tsubaki said.

"My brain hurts from all this thinking!" Makoto complained.

Tao shook her head up and down. "Tao's head hurts too, furry girl!"

* * *

As always, thanks for reading and don't forget to grab a meat bun for Tao!

**Five Ways To Fail: End**


End file.
